You read it here first

Go through the archive, if you don't believe it. Pasties got a mention in February, so did a petrol mower. What a pity I didn't feature George Galloway as we all would have made a fortune at his price of winning the seat at 200-1. He did get a sort of mention in 'French and Spanish Cricket for Beginners' in a mix-up between 'Peter and the Dyke', not very appealing Dutch camper vans and Dick Whittington. I won't reproduce the whole sentence as it's still early spring, but the words 'Dick, finger and pussy' combined to raise their ugly heads in Chapter 4. The Sweet Pea? If you are not due to flower until May and you were to emerge in March then you deserve to be highlighted, unlike the purple sprouting broccoli and the rhubarb which just get eaten.

I'm pleased about the defib adverts. Click on to save a life maybe. Her Royal Highness has not yet responded to my e-mail. I did phone Radio 5 Live about it making the point that these defibs should be available to all. The researcher listened and talked in an engaging fashion before stunning me by saying that she had watched her husband die of a heart attack in front of her. That sort of thing shuts an ignorant Semi-ranter like me well and truly up, and after a few of my apologetic mumblings the phone line fortunately was cut off, perhaps because it was Budget Day and there were more Detached ranters in the phone queue, waiting to complain about Stamp Duty.

On 'You and Yours' this week they covered Defibs and whether they should be in all schools. The same arguments were being made. It was good to hear the coverage. There are some brave and dedicated people who despite suffering great personal loss are working hard to get these life savers to become more widely available. However, even though they seem to be attracting great support, one gets the feeling they too are banging their heads against a brick wall. Perhaps if the BBC change the name of their Radio 4 programme to 'One and One's' the Queen may take notice of what is being asked of her by her subjects. Indeed the Duke of Edinburgh could show what a Diamond Geezer could do after a life saving op as part of an opportunity of a lifetime.