Cornish Pasties not a patch on Cookies

I was just making a suggestion to a past fellow member of an Ashes Tour Group on faceBook of a possible way to spend a Cornish afternoon viz....


'Might be a bit far from where you are, or maybe not enough time left not to mention the weather but parking at Lelant Park & Ride, Ciff path to St Ives wallowing in Art there, catching the train back, pasties from Philps in Hayle TR27 4BJ and a pint of Doombar or two if you are not the driver might be memorable'(Pictured above).

...when I noticed that the accompanying advert to the blog was from M&S. I couldn't believe it. The good lady wife and myself had just been considering whether we should treat ourselves to a 'Dine in for £10' meal.I didn't click on it as I haven't found out yet whether it is against the rules to self click, and I don't want to be fined any more than the 44p that I've managed to earn this month.

Impressive or what? Those cookies must be the sort that Harry used in Spooks to extract information without having to resort to the violence now showing in the Private sector according to Hunted.

As I related the tale to her in the checkout (that's the wife not the cashier), she told me that she had been on line earlier in the day to see if M&S were doing it this weekend. 'That's why we were talking about it...' she explained, also explaining to the both of us that although advanced, cookies were not the serial killers that plunge you into the deep fat fryer I had wrongly assumed them to be.

'...it could also explain why 'Dating Agency' adverts used to crop up next to your posts' she added. 'It's because two fixture secretaries responded to the previous post by looking for dates through The John Harley system and so the all-pervading cookies saw an opportunity' was all I could manage.

We're off to Warner's Lakeside next. Perhaps Fix Secs will be more forthcoming with holiday suggestions. It's a long time since we've been to a Warner's. We have been reluctant to show our faces since we went to a 'Las Vegas Weekend' at Corton.

As the last and most famous member of the Rat Pack came on stage one of our party managed to shout out 'F*"* off you Mafiosi B"*@*$* before my missus got a hand over his mouth. Luckily he met the Rochdale Elvis in the bar and got on with him well enough for the Saturday Night Show to proceed without incident. The R E was so convincing that the ladies in our group thought about going backstage to see if he was in need of resuscitation.

We had more 'Tribute Group trouble' with another one of our party when we went to the Princess Theatre in Torquay to see some real live ABBA marionettes. They were good - You couldn't see the strings and not just because some of our party donned satin and danced not in the aisles but in the rows in front of the seat I was sat in (sorry) thus ruining 50% of the visual effects I was looking forward to after having seen the movie 'Abba The Movie' in the 70s.

My mate obviously light headed with a combination of the pints of lager consumed before the show and the tightness of his satin tie that he was wearing around his forehead, began to make a fuss in the foyer when he discovered that there were no CDs for sale. 'They're a F*"*ing Tribute band you daft B"*@*$*' said the up until then well behaved friend of Elvis mimicking the very words that my lady wife had whispered into his shell-like at Corton.

I'll let you know what becomes of the entertainment at Lakeside.

Oh yes. My Ashes pal got back to me on faceBook. He must have had too many cookies with his cream teas. He said he doesn't get on with Doombar - He prefers 'Tribute'. Scary or what?

If you are down that way over Halloween and really want to be pushed to but not over the limit, just a bit after buying your pasties turn left to TR27 5AD and drink your pint of Tribute at The Bucket of Blood pub, If you dare!

Venice Vidi Vici Vino

Something has motivated me into putting the third finger of my right hand and the digital finger of the left into action. Perhaps it is the Tory Party Conference that resurrected the two aforementioned fingers this time on the same hand and restored the blood flow.

I am in reflective mode on a Cricket season now complete with fixtures rained off, toured out or unfulfilled all replaced by the splendid, should be mentioned in dispatches John Harley system. Not that I am personally in need but have you thought of using your system as a dating replacement scheme, John?

'I have been seriously let down by a lady from Northfleet for this coming weekend. There is a table for two booked in Istead Rise for Saturday, but could arrange for home cooking if preferred. Have a strong sociable personality but this can easily be reduced through medium to weak for the right sort of person. A ball will be had if we hit it off and I would be prepared to become a regular fixture if you don't mind me playing away from home every now and then.'

I missed our final game of the season at Ash CC as I was visiting the Beautiful City of Venice (Pictured) looking for a venue for a possible cricket tour. With my two fingered approach to 'We're all in this together except we'll make sure you are deeper in it than us' I am happy to share how you can experience this timeless city for arachidi, getting away at night in time to be able to buy your frizzante rather than spumante vino rosso for €1.75 a litre before closing time.

Unless you want to be a former fixture secretary don't 'play chicken with the vaporettos', as suggested in 'You can keep your Gondolas' (The Sunday Times Travel October7). Instead cock a snoop at the sardine packed boats on the Grand Canal by using the Vaporetto dell Arte which for an additional €10 on your 72 hour+ travel pass you get your own private trip up and down and on and off as many times as you want, without the dangers of being mown down by the battery of boats much higher in the pecking order but lower in the puking order than the paltry canoe.

Unlike the chicken crossing the M25, for €2 you can get casseroled across the Grand Canal in a gondola from Salute( can't do an e acute) to San Marco and only have to put up with two grumpy gondoliers for four minutes.

I could tell you where to stay for £50 pp for 7 nights, with a thirty minute cruise into Venice, via Murano and Burano if you wish, all included in your water travel pass, with a Pizza place just round the corner, the Adriatic 5 mins walk for swimming, fishing, cockling and every beach activity or inactivity you can think of, six outdoor swimming pools, two heated and a crazy golf course to die for, but that would need some interest on your part.

To register this interest simply click on the adverts accompanying this blog (They will be more aimed at your needs than mine with these all pervading cookies) and that will allow me the €9.70 to save up for one of those solar powered swinging gondolas that the lovely lady wife would not let me buy this year.

So that's you and me both then for next year. Marina di Venezia is the venue, just a 15 minute cycle ride with a view to Punta Sabbioni where your water bound adventures begin. Book via The Sun Holidays saving the tokens, keeping those fingers crossed of course. The accommodation will cost you £200 for 7 nights for 4 people in a static caravan with a terrace.

By keeping each other informed using the John Harley system there ought to be enough people holidaying at the same time for beach cricket and enough booked caravans to ring fence a late night post match festa. On top of all that Venice is just around the corner with the top dog being The Doges Palace which is the dog's bollocks as far as potential for out of season indoor nets are concerned.

You're welcome.



Best wishes

Mike Kelleher