One Through the Gate is hot off the Press

Up with the lark. The Early Bird if not holidaying in Seville and off to Cadiz later would have had to scrape a fair bit of frost from the car windscreen.

England fans now appear in the ascendancy as the Ahmedabad's festivities are over. I hope these don't start up again before the time I usually get up or I'll have to go back to bed. Though it is morning it is a wonderfully clear and starry night. I tweet to Aggers and TMS to tell them.

Prior 91, Cook 169, 348-5. A great performance. Shame about the first innings, but there we are. TMS very kindly read out my tweet. It didn't go to my head as I know it's just a question of the lack of traffic so early in the morning. I was just about to tweet about Venus being in the ascendancy here and England in ascendancy there when Prior goes c & b still on 91.

I have to find a tweeting equivalent of the commentator's curse but I cannot think of anything. Someone will tweet me one I expect. Cookie's day ends when he falls at 365. Not surprisingly the Indian fielders leap around. Down to 7. Blowers sets the pulse racing saying that Broad had been caught by Sewag but Boycott puts him right. Botham's Ashes could become Broad's Indian Summer.

A 42 run lead. 372-7. Though Broad survived Blowers' appeal the third wicket soon falls. I've only been up for an hour and ten minutes. 378-8. 381-8, the lead is now 51. Swann's out bowled. 406-9. Sir G called it right. Ashwin's 20/20 skills overcame Swann's 20/20 stroke. Blowers goes into reverse telling us that Bresnan has hit a great shot. Sir G tells us it's out. 406 all out for an early Lunch. A little too early for me even for elevenses as it's only five to six.

Still an hour and a half to go before I shout up to Lizzie 'Wakey wakey eggs and bakey' even though it's going to be porridge. Aggers' tweet of 'Lost 5 wickets for 66 this morning' put paid to any high expectancy. I could be posting this blog before I normally get up. I dont want to change the picture of 'Calm' as it has received its fair share of praise. It did look good. Like Cook to England it added a bit of class.

I'll ask her permission to put the Gate etching in. After all Compton started it off with one through the gate. That's a good one too. I mean the etching with aquatint rather than my attempt to link the print ( pictured ) to the cricket. Lizzie is due to deliver one of her other prints to an exhibition in London today and needs to catch the 9.43am fast train from Gravesend.

The one in a million kindly said for me 'not worry' and to 'stay to watch the cricket'. 'I'll phone a friend to come with me.' With the Indian team on 28-0, how can I do anything else but worry as it's 50-50 that it will be all over by the time she has to get up. I'm almost tempted to get a smart phone by Friday. I'll have time to download that Universal App so I can follow Saturn closing in on Venus. Using the birdsong App I can get the phone to listen to the Dawn Chorus to tell me what birds are out there in the garden so I can let Blowers know.

India are more than half way there in next to no time and reach 50 with 20 minutes to go before the sun is due to rise here. A Lovely sunrise it is when it appears on the horizon which is next door's fence. No I don't live in the Ponderosa. It's just a question of perspective. The portents are good for the Mumbai Test as KP shows that he is thinking about the position of his feet pulling up only inches short of the boundary in catching Sehwag. 6 for India to win.

Boycott and Aggers get tetchy with each other about who plays in Mumbai. Same amongst the Sky lot. Well we did lose so you can expect it. Not a pleasant sight so early in the morning of Duncan Fletcher clapping his team. Or was he applauding Andy Flower for leaving Monty out like he did in Adelaide in 2006? I'll ask the audience.

I'll also give you all a well deserved rest until Friday, when it all starts up again. Bye.

A Sense of Calm

The alarmed Bell went off as I made a cup of tea, with the sunshine peeping through the breakfast room window draped patterened curtains. DAB downstairs so as not to disturb the sleeping Lizzie. There was me looking forward to hearing the 200 come up for the loss of only three wickets, when Patel got a first baller.

Blowers said it had come up but it hadn't. Having been reminded of birds I texted the Seville holidaying early bird worker with the news that her Captain Courageous not for the first time was fine tuning a Captain's innings without breaking sweat.

I turned on Sky then went to Twitter to find out the story of the morning. Not brillo, especially as Prior has reached the second highest score of the England innings by the time the sun has crept around to the conservatory through the lounge to reflect off the lead piping. Professor Prior is not Plumb despite vehement appeals and remains on 40.

264-5 at tea. Aggers reads out the day's batting. A little later during the tea interval TMS play the highlights of the innings to date. I tweet off a thanks to Aggers and the TMS producer.

Aussie fanatics had better watch out as Elvis' mate told me last night at the Curry and Dosa in Gravesend that he fancied going on the next Ashes Tour. Even the Aussie players might be in for a shock.They will be used to chants from The Barmy Army but to receive a torrent of verbal abuse from one of the greys might put the wind up them.

I haven't heard whether the leader of our Barmy Army has changed his name or his appearance yet. Anybody know? 292-5. 38 to go. I've got time to think about a picture to go with this post. The lovely Lizzie has done a lino print called 'calm'. That's what it is here, and that's what we want in Ahmedabad.

I'll ask her if that would be okay. She said it would. What do you think? They are available, and as I've earned ony £0.68 this month from advert clickers I'm beginning to worry about how I'm going to pay for the Aussie Tour, especially if Lizzie has to come as Elvis' mate's minder. Talking about deficits this one is down to 23.

Blowers reads out the bowling figures during the drinks break. He deserves an Oscar, I mean an Ojha. 16 behind as a pigeon flies over the top of the stand according to Henry. Calm it is but Cook is knackered. Once the deficit is cleared, psychologically Cook may be destroyed. Perhaps that's why 'Calm down dear' Cameron may not really want the deficit to go.

Sky show some stats on the telly about highest individual scores by visiting captains in India. The TMS commentator reads some of them out, makes an error and is corrected by their scorer who probably has a better view of the screen and gets praised by the TMS commentator for his attentiveness. Credit where it is due and we are now in credit.

Activity is detected on the The England Bench as they raise their Bowling Coach from his slumbers.'Get in the nets Monty' is what the the lip readers wanted to see. 'And make sure thee've got thy pads on' is what Sir G would have added.

Can we last? Can Captain even more Courageous keep going? A double figures lead. Who is going to be first to mention Botham's Ashes? The answers are 'Maybe, Yes and me'.

See you tomorrow. I may have to replace the Early Bird as the earliest riser to be in on the action and be in with a chance of a reply to my tweets. I'll give her a text

BBC still in crisis?

I woke up this morning at precisely 127-7. It was Sir Geoffery again on Long wave TMS. As the early bird worker to whom I text updates of the cricket is holidaying in Seville, I thought I'd leave her enjoy her home made marmalade, toast and tea before I send her the bad news.

Not that I could let her know how her captain pin up had got on today as TMS didn't seem to be so concerned about informing the relatively later rising fans such as moi or the I'm staying in bed for a lie in as it's Saturday and there's no interruption on LW fans. Although Prior, Bresnan and Broad had injected some respectability I reluctantly but boldly texted the heart breaking news that England had been bowled out for 191.

I waited for the details of what had happened but they were not forthcoming, so unless you are one of Blowers' twitchers with a Bush radio you would have remained empty handed, but not as you would know it Trotty. It could cost the early bird worker now holidaying in Seville a fortune in texts seeking the required information. In desperation I got out of bed to fetch the laptop. I knew that the TMS commentators spend half their lives on twitter. The details would all be there.

They were. While I pondered whether to be as Direct as Sir G who was saying that someone should be telling the top order batsmen to get their heads over the ball in the England dressing room, or as diplomatic as Aggers who must have been stung by the tweet he retweeted calling him an 'uneducated idiot' in response to his complaint about too many fireworks celebrating Diwali, as TMS was broadcasting a piece explaining what it was about, while they were filling up on tea and chocolates.

Well that decided it. Be direct for results. Say something about basic broadcasting. I sent off a couple of tweets to Aggers, to TMS itself and to the producer. To what effect? None of course. Still no hint of the information, no apologies or admissions of guilt despite drink breaks, injury time and groundsmen-on time.

Yesterday I suggested to Aggers in a tweet that GB should become DG of the BBC after rounding on him for not asking Ed Hawkins, author of 'Bookie Gambler' more searching questions. Perhaps TMS producer would do for a start.


I know its not Newsnight, but as Sue Lawley said all those years ago in the Woodville Halls, Gravesend. 'It's your BBC'.

But not as you know it Jim. Not as you know it.

England Nelson-0 thanks to no DRS, Aggers. England expects and so do we.

I did get a reply from Simon Mann, for which I'm grateful, who wasn't sure what I was on about. Like many of the past readers of the book (pictured) you are in good company, Simon.

No Indian Summer yet

Good morning. There is something about waking up to Sir Geoffery's non-dulcet Yorkshire tones. I text off the fact that India are 191-1 with Sehwag already with his century to an early working bird. I can remember being stunned in Adelaide in 2006 when we heard that Monty was not in the team.

I'm not stunned now with this oft repeated omission despite it being an even more obvious error, as you know it's a regular item on the England pre-Test agenda, not that it's any of my pre-Test business. Item no.7: What bollocks shall we use this time to explain leaving out Monty? I'm just glad that Churchill used and kept his head and his Monty.

'Yesterday in Parliament' gets me out of bed as the clock radio is not DAB and I have to swap Dravid and Marks for Botham & Co. I've let the worker know that V is out to Swann even though she is probably knee deep in a pre-what ever it is meeting. It's a damp and dreary day. No sign of the Indian Summer that we had yesterday outside of Parliament.

I took advantage of the sunshine to Teak oil the garden furniture and Creosote-substitute the side gate. I'm glad there's a whole English winter between the application and when I next eat my burgers off the table, as some of the chemicals that seem to constitute what I thought was not a substitute teak oil seem nastier than those in the creosote substitute.

The bottle (pictured) warns you not to lose your rag as you may lose your life as it is likely to spontaneously combust. Perhaps I overreacted. It's not as if it's going to burst into flames or anything like that. The Lovely Lizzie told me that she could hear the foghorns in the night. I apologised just in case she wasn't just confirming the prevailing weather conditions.

By the time I'd removed the sleepy dust from my eyes and visited the bathroom the dog had been up on the bed and using the Sony Cube FM/AM/LW radio for balance finished off my cup of tea not to mention the toast and marmalade that the LLL had kindly brought up putting the mockers on Tendulkar who was out for 13.

Yes I had washed my hands. I studied Chemical Engineering for a year. One of the first lessons you were taught was that a Chemical Engineer always washes his/her hands before he/she goes to the toilet. The second lesson was to define a Civil Engineer as a Chemical Engineer with his/her brains kicked out. I disagreed with this as I had always held Isambard, Kingdom and Brunel in the highest of regards.

I turn on the radio to listen to TMS after I hear no criticism of Trott's Underbelly and seemingly underhand actions from the Sky lot after his dropping of a catch in the slips off Swann. Prakash Wakankar voiced the obvious. Item No.8: It's not Cricket. I expect they'll put it into a context later.

Look out Trotty as Aggers got a little bit of stick after having complained in a 'slightly sardonic and inoffensive' tweet about a second night of fireworks. 'It's a jungle out there'. Perhaps I'll retweet an apology on your behalf to the members of our 5th and Colt XIs to whom I'd sent Diwali greetings, though I ought to consult my legal representatives first in the present climate.

I've kept the worker updated on scores and wickets. 313-4 with no wickets yet from the new ball. Only one bit of feedback so far regarding with whom to tour for the next Ashes. One fellow fix sec asked for any thoughts. All I could say was Item No.9: We are still dithering. Have a long look at the Brochures and on-line information from the Tour operators. You may want to organise flights, Tickets etc. yourself, Go Tailor made with flexibility, or go with the Tour Operators.

All of these have options within their programmes, and they do vary both with prices and with what is included. Consider stopovers. The lovely Lizzie and the early bird worker went to Hong Kong on the way over; Lizzie et moi went to Singapore on the way back. To stand by the graves of sailors from HMS Prince of Wales and HMS Repulse together with the visit to Changi Prison were particularly poignant times reminding us of the sacrifices that were made.

It was very well organised through 'The Sporting Traveller', the closest we could find to 'Grandstand' of Ashes 2006 who included a fantastic combination of interesting days out, Tour dinners and the feeling that you were amongst it all. As I said last time Howzat Travel's deal to New Zealand seemed pretty stunning and competitive. Gullivers are well established and experienced.

My son would have rather gone with The Barmy Army who do all the Tours, but it wasn't for me being now more white than grey. The Grandstand group (who I don't think do the Tour Ashes any more) were less 'grey' in 2006 than The Sporting Traveller's party in 2010 who used Bob Taylor as a host with the most, though in fairness everybody was four years older. @sportstours were added to the list by 'All Out Cricket' magazine.

All hotels were good. Plenty of things to do. We stayed in Sydney for 4 nights ( No cricket) after the Brisbane and Adelaide back to back Tests) and that was a great decision even without DRS. If we do go again it will be Adelaide, Time off in Sydney, Perth, then back for Christmas. No offence Brisbane but to be tempted back I'd need to see your Gold Coast again and more of Moreton Island as we need a return match for the game of beach cricket we lost.

I'll fire off a few more tweetie pies in the hope that I'll get a few suggestions from the great and the good out there. Lets hope by the time Sir Geoffery wakes me up tomorrow England will be in the runs but not of the Trotts variety, please.

Not voting today I'm afraid. Like Mr Cameron I enjoyed 'The Wire' but I'm not looking for another layer to deflect the buck sticking to him.

Parliamentary Privilege in Ashes

The Tory MP who has skidaddled off to the Australian Rain Forest has set a precedent enabling working people to go on the Ashes Tour in 2013 on full pay. Be prepared, however, to stand in a byebye-election if as is likely such unauthorised absences remain a parliamentary privilege.

The pompous ass partner of a previous 'I'm a pompous ass, get my ass out of here' pompous ass was certain that the truant and accuser of Cameron and Osborne of being pompous asses would have covered her ass by organising staff to do the constituency donkey work during her absence.

Hence teachers amongst you do not have to worry about telling the Head, or covering your lessons while down under. Teacher Assistants will do it after they've found out you're gone, at a tenth of your salary. You can calculate expenses by subtracting a month's pay from the price of the Tour.

If you can't manage the maths simply abscond to an Academy School where you won't have to worry about such stipulations thus adding to the scheme's unqualified successes.

All I heard on the grapewhine was that she didn't tell Lord Snooty and her 3 line whip managers until after the event as by then it would have been too late for them to cry over spilt milk. She thought they wouldn't have the bottle to charge her with milking it after having pointed out that they didn't know the price of a pint of milk in the first place.

Lord Snooty commented that it made a change for somebody to live in the Colony before they were convicted reminding those who choose to remain to accept that a Society where the cream rises to the top to be licked by the Fat Cats is not a separatist Society but one in which all are together.

'Convict Colony' or not, the in-house question I want to ask of you is 'Which Tour Operator should be used?'

The Grandstand Group who took us in 2006 included a daytrip to a Rain Forest three days before the Brisbane Test and three years after Tuffers became King of the Jungle. In Adelaide we stayed in the same hotel as the Australian team. We listened to Angus Fraser and Kerry O' Keeffe during a three course meal with unlimited wine or beer.

Four years later we had the very unparliamentary privilege of the company of Former England International wicketkeeper Bob Taylor as the efficient, principled and likeable Tour Manager for The Sporting Traveller.

Gullivers were obvious rivals and we were too grey for the Barmies. Howzat could appeal. Their New Zealand Itineraries looked tempting. As Viper said to Maverick in Top Gun 'There will be others'.

Can you help?

Oh yes. Warners went well. A shame about the Halloween gear I bought as it turned out to be a traditional Turkey and Tinsel week. Boxing Day's Late Night Karaoke (pictured) was a qualified success as were the New Year's Eve Rocket Balloons imported by I.T.I. (UK) Ltd Essex CO2 8HH.

The traditional verbal abuse by Elvis' mate was limited towards the unlucky resident singer who had to follow the Lord Mayor's show (pictured) being told to 'Liven it up a bit' during her Cabaret Spotlight final farewell session.

Ho ho ho.