Never mind the 2012 Played 16 Lost 8 Drew 5 Won 3, It's 2013 that we are looking forward to.
The 5ths' fixtures for the 2013 season fill every Saturday from the 20th April to the 28th September from Petts Wood to Bredgar.
Don't confuse Petts Wood CC with Petts Wood Tudor CC. In the days before Quantitative Easing when we were Gravesend 4ths rather than the 5ths no matter which one of the two clubs we were playing, we always seemed to go to the wrong ground.
Not a problem for 2013 as our 'Pick-me-I'm-a-CRB checked driver' have Sat Navs and the Colts all have maps on their apps on their Smart Phones. So according to the PlayCricket website Petts Wood CC play at The Willett Recreation Ground BR5 1PE and Petts Wood Tudor CC play at the Willett Recreation Ground BR5 1PE.
On the last day of the season we go to Bredgar, home of The Bredgar & Wormshill Light Railway where there are walks in the woods, picnic areas, and plenty of places to just sit and watch the trains go by, which is almost as interesting as watching Gravesend 5ths bat.
Fear not any first teamers dropped for next season as I'm sure one of their carriages has a bar. I'll check with Michael Portillo.
Gravesend Saturday 5ths are known as a wandering, ball supplying sociable side ranging from weak through to medium/weak depending on how many ringers we can hide from the higher sides at what has been called 'Selection'.
Without the presence of our esteemed Club Captain this 'Selection of 11' could well have become more controversial than 'Selection at 11' and would have taken longer to achieve than Charles Darwin took to research his book on Natural Selection.
As I'm sure you know its full title was 'On the Origin of Species by Means of Natural Selection, or the Preservation of Favoured Races in the Struggle for Life' which today of course is the basis of The Posh Boy's Party Manifesto.
As I said we used to be the 4ths but when Gravesend CC introduced a fourth Saturday league side we became the 5ths. The 4ths sported the name of 'Gravesend Shrimpers' celebrating Gravesend's historical links to the Shrimping industry.
On becoming the 5ths some regular players and club officials met in a Gravesend Ale House with regard to whether the name 'Gravesend Shrimpers' should be retained.
One of those regulars who had taken a particular liking to the 'Gravesend Shrimpers' on tap at the pub suggested that I approach the Brewery to enquire whether there was any chance of them sponsoring the 5ths. The slogan was to be 'Gravesend Shrimpers sponsored by Gravesend Shrimpers'. The matter was not pursued.
Other names were put forward for consideration. Having gone down the Saturday hierarchical ladder 'Gravesend Whelkers' was one of them, Pat's Prawns, Mike's Molluscs, Brendan's Barnacles and Lak's Lobsters were other suggestions.
Mike's Mussels was rejected on the grounds that he didn't have any and the 'Clammy Crustaceans' (Pictured)was turned down as being too near the truth. One of the guys who plays for our Wednesday XI asked if they could become the 'Wednesday Winkles'.
'Gravesend Grasses' was another. This stemmed from the fact that the Bat & Ball Ground was formerly a market garden specialising in growing asparagus. Indeed it was grown so extensively in the area that asparagus was known as 'Gravesend Grass'.
Despite the name coming from our esteemed Chairman and Prison Visitor it was put on the back burner after he was threatened by four prison inmates who used to play for one of the Bank sides because of their misunderstanding of the name 'Gravesend Grasses'.
Shame on me I know but I have not read Gravesend CC's Constitution lately. I suspect that because there was a quorum at the pub the name of 'Gravesend Grasses' like the Barmy Army's Leader's name might need to be changed by Deed Poll. Hence the name lingers.
The Gravesend Shrimpers drinkers also asked for a tour to be arranged. With tours potentially expensive and difficult to include the colts who constitute a quarter of the side it hasn't yet happened.
Dungeness may provide the solution. It is not a million miles away from Gravesend, and as you can see Gravesend Grasses / Shrimpers already have fixtures against Wittersham and Stone-in-Oxney which are near neighbours to Dungeness. Hence any players who cannot or do not want to stay away for a night can return to Gravesend after the match as per normal and not be too late for bed or to join the 1st team in the Somerset Arms.
For those players wishing to make a weekend of it, accommodation is available with the abundance of caravan sites in the area, allowing many of the third team an opportunity to stay with their relatives. For those batsmen in the fourths, at Dungeness you can continue to fish outside the off stump and flounder at the wicket with the occasional dab. There is a Lighthouse that any ringers we get from the 2nds can leg up if they feel the need for a pre-match warm-up.If as is probable the fishermen do not catch any fish a fish & chip supper will be available at The Pilot Inn who are providing the opposition.
I have done some research. Besides Fish Dungeness is famed for its unique flora and fauna including the Sea Kale with its intoxicating blue green foliage. In a Guardian article in March 2004 Sea kale is described as 'a beautiful plant, changing dramatically through the seasons; the shoots are said to taste better than asparagus but the plants are very long lived and accumulate stray radiation.'
What then could be better? Gravesend Grasses is a team that also changes dramatically through the season and does contain some of the longest lived members of Gravesend Cricket Club. We would probably be better suited to play Dungeness B rather than Dungeness A if their A team can't get a side together because of any sickness due to any stray radiation missed by the Sea Kale.
I'm not so sure about Dungeness Sea Kale tasting better than Gravesend Grass. There's the challenge then. Dungeness Sea Kales v Gravesend Grasses to take place on Saturday June 1st. The losing side will have to ceremoniously eat the opposition at the end of the game. The Gravesend Grasses will bring a ball and plenty of asparagus as we don't expect to be eating Sea Kale. I look for your support.
