I'm finally ready to account for day four at Adelaide. Not that it will be me who will be held to account. What took the time? Various things, events and manifestations. The day itself was traumatic. It can take a long time to recover. Ask Cyril! I bought the school hat and pigtails from the Fancy dress shop. It didn't fit particularly well in more ways than one. It was going to cost me $40, so I was dithering. The lady who for once had opened the shop on time was not. She pulled it down over my head for a better fit and pinged the elastic under my chin. Now that sort of thing may turn some people on but pas moi madam, so I paid her the money and left pdq just in case she was going to put me through a different sort of training regime to the one I should have been watching that the England boys were going through at the Adelaide Oval. England may have been under the cosh at Brisbane, but that doesn't mean that we want a whipping in Adelaide.
I walked the mile or so through the city to the ground. Three people smiled. I gave each one one of my blog cards. One young lady was really supportive. 'Good on ya , mate'. She returned to her mobile phone saying 'You wouldn't believe what I've just seen' At least I think that's what she said, as the pigtails were hanging over my ears. After my earlier morning stroll around the City, I had gone back to the hotel to get my back pack. The Aussie team were exiting ready to get into their minibus. Good to see it was a Budget Rental. I gave a card to McGrath, Warney, Pontin and a few others. I'll ask the boy later to say who they were. Only McGrath looked as if he was looking down his nose a bit. The other guys said 'Thanks mate' as they went by.
The notes for this were being written while the Aussies are getting on top. Not 'of the minibus' but 'in the match'. Gilchrist has just hit two consecutive fours off Harmison. 350 is almost up, with Gilchrist on 38. He hit Cook at forward short leg just before drinks. It could have been bad. Gilchrist went straight over to him to see if he was OK. Good for you Gilchrist. I'm not one of those ex-teachers who profess that if they field that close it will teach them a lesson if they do get hit. I know its a bit academic but in my opinion they would not be a million miles from thinking first about running out people like Gilchrist rather than going to see how their fellow player is faring. On the other hand you can bank on it being a learning curve for Cook.
I've been staring at the gorgeous lady's thongs. Don't read me wrong. They weren't what she left behind when she came down to visit the missus and I a few weeks ago, though that was one of the manifestations I was talking about earlier on. Neither was it so boiling hot at the Oval that we had all stripped off. 'Thongs' are 'Flip flops' over here, though she refers to them as 'sandals'. Again to be clear, she's after an official Aussie hat, and one of the tour guys is an MCC member and thinks that he can get her in to the official shop in the pavilion. He thinks they have rules about the wearing of baring feet shoes. Some clubs seem to take things to almost fetish proportions, and no I haven't visited one in Hindley Street. Gilchrist has got his fifty. Welcome back Gilchurch, especially after your kind and immediate reaction towards Cookie. Don't take it too far though, we know how you can dominate. 373, with no flag waving except for Harmie's first over. Last night the lovely lady went off to buy what I think they call a pie floater. No jokes about them being all gone as Warney had got there first. I think it's mushy peas that they float in. Graham the bus driver recommended them, but don't let that put you off. He wanted his commentary as he took us up and down Adelaide to be compulsive listening. It wasn't! It became compulsory. We had to be ordered to listen. It wasn't quite Cyril, but it was close. Clarke gets his fifty but Gilchrist gets out just like I asked him to. I told you he was a nice one Cyril. Caught Bell bowled Giles. 'A Warwickshire wicket' says the bloke in front. More Bears. Warney is in. There's an appeal. Rudi doesn't give much and he doesn't give this. 384-6. The Barmy Army abuse Warney a bit. He does look a little larger than yesterday, though I didn't notice this morning. Perhaps it wasn't him that took the pies. He'd take to the missus' Cornish pasties, but I won't give him the chance if I see him again in the hotel, if what the Aussie Barmies are singing turns out to be so.It's baking now, even in the Clem Hill Stand. I promised the gorgeous lady my missus' recipe, but she said she didn't have time to bake. I couldn't do one over here anyway as in this heat it would be alfresco as well as my usual alfredo, and I wouldn't want to get my fingers burnt, or caught in the pie. As with Warney you can't have your cake and eat it, as if you do, like Marie Antoinette you like me would have had your chips, like you must have had if it wasn't the pies Warney.
The gorgeous lady said that the way to a man's heart is through the stomach, and that she wasn't a good cook. I held in what was becoming a bit of a beer gut, and almost said that there was more than one way to skin a cat. Remembering that cats were revered by Cleopatra in Rome, where all roads lead, like Tom I said nothing. I should have said 'You don't need to be, all the other attributes are there to pull the heart strings.' But like Bagpuss, The Clangers, The Soup Dragon, Captain Pugwash, Ivor the Engine and Cut Throat Jake I didn't say that either. Bit of luck I didn't really, as it wouldn't just be Jake and the French who would be after couping my gorge, Cornish accent or not! If this is driving you nuts, there's more in store as KP comes on.
392-6, Clarke 61 n.o. 410 now. When did that 400 come up? 4 to Clarke, 2nd bowl off Giles. Harmison was warming up at Lunchtime, bowling to one stump. I got only one wolf whistle and that from the Boonies as I went to get two lagers. As usual every action deserves a reaction so I gave the bloke in the middle of the group a blog card. I didn't have enough to give one to the rest of the pack. 430-6. Warney is on 20. 447 as we finish our choc ices. Clarkey gets the single he wants for his century. Having run off what I said about him,Warney runs a three and goes up to 36 as his team goes up to 469. As if stirred by Warne's success, the Aussie Boonie Fanatics or what ever they call themselves insult Warney and our Queen to the tune of 'You've got the whole world in your hand...' They then had a go at Fletch. 'You've only got one spinner in your side...' to the same tune. We hadn't been singing it but we'd been saying it even before we landed in Brisbane. Our lot replied ' You've got a Sex Pest in your side'. I didn't join in. You know my standards by now. Proving that there is bound to be a market for my book:- the soon hopefully to be published (by me)'French and Spanish Cricket' ( It's my blog and I'll do what I want) to the tune of 'It's my life and I'll do what I want', two blokes in front were counting seagulls. Despite the abuse Warney goes to 36. It also indicates that nobody present in the ground with the possible exception of Glenn McGrath and Merv Hughes expected a finish in favour of the Aussies. The gorgeous lady is reading the paper about a second person who was poisoned at the dinner table in London. She loves 'Medical Thrillers'. There's more to come to enthrall I'm afraid as we all know now. I'm still pleased that it was Cedric's back that went rather than him being bitten by a poisonous snake despite the fact that it would have made a riveting read for the gorgeous lady. An Aussie bloke bares his ass to the English supporters. They have CCTV here so they should be able to identify the asshole, hard as it could be with the number of them in evidence. What do you reckon? 500 before tea? I mean runs not bums. Last over before tea. Hoggie. 3 dot balls before Warney edges a four through 1st slip. 502. Hardly a cheer goes up. All seem to have lost interest, or was it that they are all purists and it was an edge rather than a drive? Their vibes reach Warney. He's out caught behind. Well done Hoggie. A chance to wave the flag. We are there. All out 507. Hoggie got 7, Anderson got the last one. Out comes the light roller. The betting odds came up on the big screen, but I couldn't see them. Not that I would have placed a bet as I'm not exactly a high roller. We have 19 overs left, or do they take away 2? Remainder 17. whatever!
Whatever it is, it should do nicely. The flag should be a bit more prominent with a few fours. We hope! Why is it you always get the feeling that they will take the initiative as well as the mickey? Is it me? I know I'm a Mike. Is it because we are the England 'The mighty mighty England'? Are those Aussies influencing us? Like the cold drinks 'A Pom's worst nightmare'. Straussy, this is your moment.To upset his learning curve Lee goes around the wicket. I thought I'd seen the pepper and salts differently positioned on the Aussie tables this morning. It's good to see that they use the same techniques as I used to do with the kids before their school football matches. The missus reckons that is the reason we don't sit round the table for meals any more. At least it reduced their salt intake if nothing else. 16 overs to go. I didn't listen to the radio today because of the pigtails interfering with the earphones, so I don't know what the pundits are saying about how they feel the game will go. I'll be doing a lot of listening for the next three matches as I'll be back home. Like that kangaroo koala I'll need to become nocturnal to keep up with it. The trouble is that it will be too cold to kip during the day in the hammock hanging from the tree in our garden. It's not Eucalyptus but life often isn't. Cook gets a four off McGrath. Up goes the flag. 0-15 (Aussie influence) becomes 0-19 off McGrath again. 11 overs to go. The Boonies are singing but not by much. We've got Goochie and Merv Hughes on the menu tonight. Shane Warne comes into the attack. A sort of victory to us, but the Aussies would not look on it that way, and Warney himself certainly wouldn't. You can bet that he won't be bowling pies. A bat-pad appeal gets the Aussie supporters going but not Stve Bucknor. Warney certainly gets things going. 0-31 as Stuart Clark the early wicket taker in the series so far comes on. Good on you Straussy 22, careful Cookie 9. Sod it! The early birds fly off which means a roar from the crowd which means a wicket and of course it's Clark. The birds stay put for Bell's welcoming applause. He's also welcomed with silly fielding positions. He gets one away towards the birds but they don't fly off, they just move. Strauss sweeps, Bell gets one to mid-off. 7 overs to go. 12 overs gone. So has the maths. We all shout 'Shot' as one of them gets a three to mid-on. Another appeal gets turned down. There's loads of birds now. The bloke in front's maths can't be up to it either as he has gone. 44-1. They run three. Strauss 27. 49 and the flag is at the ready. The aim is to get the birds to fly off. We don't manage that. It's the numbers again. There's safety in them. Last over coming up. It's Warney. Somebody shouts 'You Tart, Warney'. It's probably the knobhead as he doesn't know his Joan from his Ass over tit. No eventualities, 59-0. Bring on Merv the swerve.
Oh yes. A great game of Twenty/20 last night at the St Lawrence ground, Canterbury. The surrounding famously named stands looked tatty, but as was in the paper today Kent have also noted that and have huge plans for development. A couple of helpful improvements that you can be making in the short term:- I don't think many can make head nor tail of what comes out of your PA system, and your cardboard drinks carriers need redesigning. Well done though for continuing to let all and sundry play on the ground between innings and after the game! The scene is one to behold in being almost medieval in nature. The lime tree is coming on too!
Your pies. I brought my own.
