Okay, I admit it-I've been caught out. It may not be the best of photographs, but it shows what happened to my putter. What is now considered to be criminal behaviour took place on nine hole courses in 1999. Leeds Castle, Lullingstone, Wrotham Heath and Deangate Ridge. I can't think of the other five but I would like them taken into consideration, Your Honour. I felt bad about it; I tried to go straight but I couldn't help myself. I hacked my way round using only a nine iron. Even when a friend took me to one of the Sandwich Courses ( I think it was the second course )I got myself into a pickle. By George, I remember now, it was the first course. Like how I felt, it was a sort of toad-in-the-hole.
I needed to cover it up,before I made a meal of it. I used the excuse that I was fed up with birthday and Christmas presents being almost entirely golf related. I'd already carpeted our lounge with green baize and like me it couldn't take any more. As you know, Your Honour, I can write enough balls without Father Christmas depositing more down the chimney. I had to get rid of the evidence knowing that one day there would be an enquiry. Realizing that there was nobody to grass me up I turned to the the lawn mower. It was a Mountfield Petrol self-fulfilling Prophecy model. Terrific engine; shame about the handles. Manoeuvring around the apples and pears did for them. I needed a long term solution. As my short game was as bad as my hacking I could see a connection. I swung into action attaching my 3 put putter to the mower's bracket to keep it shut. Momentarily I regretted not having one of those sit-on mowers as I had a spare driver. I wedged the other side. I admit I was flagging. I even told the missus after a bit of foreplay, where to go when she said she needed a cup of tees. As a matter of fact I didn't mean to be so harsh but I didn't want her to become a golfing accessory.
There is a point to all this. Did I hear on the Radio this morning that the Times had been accused of Hacking into E-Mails? Maybe this is why the Sunday Times hasn't dealt with the matter brought up in the E-Mail I tried to send them after reading an article in the Travel Section last Sunday. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt as they probably haven't hacked in yet to how hacked off I feel about it. For those of you who haven't hacked in to my Hard Drive:-
I am trying to make a comment for the benefit of the author of the article with regard to no.1 in his 100 best holidays 'Take The Plunge' published in the 'Travel' section of The Sunday Times yesterday. I did go to thesundaytimes.co.uk/travel, but I seemed to be redirected to registering online which I don't want to do. My apologies for burdening you. I need to tell him that our then 18 year son leapt off the Pont du Diable at Thueyts into the River Ardèche below in 1999 fracturing his sternum. He most certainly would have drowned if it were not for his brave friend who jumped in to pull our unconscious son from the water. Thanks to the help of many others, some who knew him, some who didn't, some whose job it was and some whose job it wasn't, he made a full recovery. I can remember the Doctor at the hospital in Valence to which my son had been taken in an air ambulance asking me as I held his hand in intensive care why youngsters do it. I didn't have the Language to tell him that like the French he was untrammelled by our health-and-safety culture.
Thank you for your time
Best wishes
Mike Kelleher
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