Oscar Pistorius, Unhappy and Inglorious in not being Victorious...

.... God Save The Queen. I Watched Oscar eating humble pie on the TV last evening. We all make mistakes and it is good to see that his advisers told him what to do to make amends after his potentially costly error. Perhaps KP should engage them to vet his future outpourings. After all they speak the same language.

Who am I to pontificate? Nobody. Just a soul who was able to get into the Olympic Stadium, thanks to the fact that The Paralympics are separate to the Olympics. A contentious issue. By the looks of what I saw the two events could be and probably should be merged and why not?

I know if they had been with that farce of a ticketless website and the stupid initial ballot that the LOWLIFE committee set up, I together with thousands of others wouldn't have been able to go to any events other than football, and what a loss that would have been.

The whole thing from stepping on to the High Speed train for £3.60 through presenting the £5 ticket to be scanned at Gate C to replying 'Oi Oi Oi' to the volunteer's 'Oggie oggie oggie' on the way home was momentous, a never to be forgotten experience that so narrowly could have been missed by the many.

But as I said who am I? Just a bum on a seat. But a seat that I'd have gladly given up to your mob, Seb, if those Paralympian heroes would have rather been Olympians.

Quite a few missed David Weir's first gold medal because of the Oliveira Affair. After Oliveira pissed off Pistorius (in the next 10 metres following the moment captured in the photograph above) loads of people who were able to, stood up to vacate their seats. Not us, not thousands of others. To see history being made is worth waiting for.

We became familiar with the Chinese National Anthem. Five or six times we stood up for it. I was happy to return the compliment. After all it was the Chinese together with the other Asian divers who bowed and acknowledged the crowd in the Aquatic Centre during The London Prepares Games.

We went again on the Tuesday. I wished I had gone on the Monday so I could have joined in with the booing of the boy George. I heard on the Today Programme that some of the Right Wing press called the crowd's behaviour 'shameful', as if they'd taken their clothes off. Perhaps the paper should have advised their boy George to have stuck to the Olympics where he would have been more amongst his fellows.

The wife and I could be joining the also-rans of the Royal family. With just one gold medal to go to become a Baroness for my brother's wife's son's sister in law I fully expect to be in line to make an appearance on that balcony.

God Save The Queen.

PS. Where the National Flags of the medal winning athletes are raised is in a place that doesn't catch the wind.

Some of the visually impaired long jumpers almost ran into where the official sand rakers sit.

Many of the visually impaired discus throwers couldn't hear their guides consequently throwing the discus in the wrong direction for a foul throw.

Quite a few of the Track athletes were kept hanging around for far too long, while medal ceremonies took place.

This in my opinion was why Oscar got beaten by a whisker as he was given too much time to milk the adoration of the crowd, went off the boil and soured the occasion. And as you now know Oscar you can't cry 'Weirwolf' after spilt milk.

Otherwise very well done.

PPS. See you at Balmoral.

Out of the Frying Pan

Shades of the beginning of the season-Opposition drop out, organise another game then it gets rained off. Kindly the opposition have offered to try to find a pitch for next week as we don't have a scheduled game.

The phone call describing the downpour came 20 minutes before we were due to set off, so we decamped to our house to have a few beers and to set the world right.

The alternatives received to frogs legs included chicken wings, King size prawns and scallops. I did get stick from some Vegans but with no response from @Edangeredfrogs I've suggested a replacement recipe which I thought would have been suitable for veggies, but turns out to have the word 'viandes' in it.

Hopefully mon amie the translater will come up trumps encore un fois to confirm this, though I don't want to overload her curriculum as the French must be back at School by now. Term time can't be far away over here either as the Notting Hill Carnival is in full swing.

Paralympics, Venice and Bournemouth to fit in while the Cricket season comes to an end, then serious thinking about the next year's Ashes. I've been to more Test Match days in Australia than I have over here. I've got to maintain my average on that count.

What would you suggest? Adelaide, a few days in Sydney then Perth in the company of Bob Taylor?

Read this mes amis and drool

Let me think ..............



Cut the frog legs in half. Season both the legs and flour. In a large saute pan, over medium heat, melt the butter. Dredge the frog legs in the seasoned flour and shake to remove any excess flour. Add the frog legs to the hot pan and saute until golden, turning as needed, about 2 to 3 minutes each side. Add the shallots and garlic and saute for 1 minute. Add the tomatoes, season with salt and pepper, and cook for 1 minute. Add the wine, simmer for 2 minutes, then stir in the parsley. Remove from the heat and serve.

Get someone that you fancy to read this to you in a french accent and you'll never have the need to read those 50 Shades threesomes. As the lovely Lizzie (pictured) would say, Griff, Dara and Rory (from my old school), 'As you can see from the picture of our sinking boat Three would be a crowd'.

PS. If you can think of a substitute for the frogs legs that will still press the buttons feel free to comment.

Hop (sic) Springs Eternal

The frog in my garden (pictured) is perfectly safe as my French isn't up to translating the recipe (pictured aussie) to make a meal of it.

He or she was too quick, too slippery for me anyway and legged it just after the photo was taken. I continue to have similar experiences with the LOWLIFE website trying this time for Paralympic tickets. The frog seems slow compared with the speed at which the available tickets disappear into the ether.

The same thing happened with the Olympics but it didn't spoil the event and I wallowed in the success of it all just like everybody else. While we were in France avoiding the grenouilles a friend of ours managed to get us tickets for the Athletics. For a fiver each!

I feel a sense of guilt. Why me? I feel like a benefit cheat? No worse. Like a banker. I'm persuading myself that as it wasn't me that actually got the tickets I should continue the search for more.Track Cycling, Equestrian or Swimming? What do you think Seb?

There are those who would say, Seb, that the frog has more chance of turning into a Prince or even a Lord than I have of getting tickets from that website. Like that frog I have no intention of becoming legless or newtlike but I like you, Seb, will celebrate if I strike gold.

I need to galvanise myself this weekend and get myself prepared to play some cricket after weeks of umpiring inactivity. The game is at Teston where I tore tendons in my arm three years ago. With the passing of time and the help of some reiki sessions my bowling arm should be okay for a couple of overs.

We'll see.

Torchy Torchy the Battery Ploy

I did hear that a snatcher turned his attention to a hotter property in Gravesend this morning. Let's hope that he got his fingers burned and gets the appropriate roasting. I certainly hope he didn't and doesn't get away with it.

I was in the town centre this morning to pick up my Sky wireless router that they promised to give me free of charge after not too much fuss so I can see films anytime, which is a plus. Anyway it was buzzy and busy. I didn't hear any untoward planning, maybe because of all the whistles being blown.

Despite one of my ex-pupils carrying it in the town centre we had other plans to amble down the road from our house past an old flame's house to see the torch.

I called in to the Old Folks Home in Darnley Road to see if Gaynor Kingston( some of you may remember him from Gravesend Cricket Club) wanted to go down to see the torch. He did. I picked up a folding chair as all that batting over the years has given him a bit of a dodgy back. Otherwise he seemed in great form and off we strolled.

The torch bearer (See Photo) seemed happy and excited as did everybody else. There was even some enthusiasm still evident amongst the battery of also rans and promoters, but as they are getting to the end of a long journey you can forgive them running out of juice. Maybe the torch snatcher had drained their energy.

The freebies weren't exactly flowing. A limited edition of coke bottles was all that was on offer. Hardly the real thing though I did get one and gave it to a young lad who was reticent about going to the front of the crowd. When the Tour de France went through Gravesend a few years back many more hats and flags were offered free of charge. Of course the exchange rate is different now apres le deluge. I didn't have time to ask the flag seller 'What's your best price?' I didn't see him sell any.

Is it true that they were waiting to get to the leafier outskirts of Gravesend before the Corporates emerged from their buses to offload their riches? To see the Lloyds coach was a bonus now that they are Co-operating

I couldn't get over how friendly and happy the Police Motorcyclists were. Has Theresa May promised them a pay rise for bailing out the Security for the Olympics or are they just trying to Court favour again after getting their fingers scalded by the kettling, or was it Sunburn?

Seb seemed to get away with it on the Today programme on Radio 4 this morning. He sounded like the politician he is. We all want a successful and safe London Olympics. But it would have been nice to be there, to be part of the real thing. I should have asked for 'Hands up if you've got a ticket'. I bet there wouldn't have been more than a handful.

I'm proud to be part of Gravesend. I think the local community here is great. I enjoy being part of Gravesend CC. Like so many I'm happy to be a bit on the side part in the torch relay and unlike the LOWLIFE and milk snatchers of this world I'm okay with staying on the sidelines. Ironically enough like so many of the people I talked to today I do get the feeling of being sidelined as far as Olympic Tickets are concerned. But it's okay as like the rest of the masses I've seen the light and won't be storming the Bastilles. (sic).

A sop? A ploy? Probably. No worries, I can sit on the couch and see it all on TV eating my Walker's potato crisps in a plain brown bag. Good to see Boris so 'ebullyent' (sic) about it all. Oh Yea. Me? I'm happy to wait until a few more whistles are blown to 'Hear all about it'.

Skeletons in the Cupboard

It was on my son's school's cricket tour to Cork City. We were due to play 3 games against Cork City's Presentation College, Cork CCC and Munster CC respectively. The weather was reasonably kind and only one of the matches was abandoned to rain. None of the opposition sides missed out as it was the same 11 youngters who turned out on all three occasions.

In the first game our side was batting and I was umpiring. My son pushed one to leg and they took a quick single. The other umpire signalled and shouted ‘One short’ and the total went down by one, even though it hadn’t gone up by one in the first place. One of the opposition kids came up to me and with a smile on his face he said ‘Only in Ireland!’ ‘Don’t worry;' I said 'we’ll get it in singles.’

I hope I’m known as a fair umpire and give it as I see it but I was almost tempted by the most melodic and appealing of Irish accents ‘Now how will that be then?’ with my son plumb in front. ‘There’s no English blood in my veins either’ I explained to him, at the end of the over, with the boy's grandparents coming from 20 miles down the road. Even though they are both dead like WG Grace who has played on The Mardyke at Cork CC they would have come to see him bat not me umpire. Well I said I was Irish didn’t I?

One of our tour visits was to Cork City Gaol. It wasn't exactly the place for a barrel of laughs but that was what was heard from each group as they rolled out of a particular cell on the first floor. Not funny for me or my son. As I entered I saw my uncle and his great uncle Cornelius Kelleher(pictured) looking like a corpse serving out his sentence of indefinite duration for being constantly drunk and disorderly.

As parents do, I took the opportunity both to remind my son of the perils of the demon drink but also to reassure him that the DNA in his genes was not entirely sourced from his Great Uncle Cornelius, now twice removed.

At a previous Gravesend Cricket Club AGM the 3rd team captain praised the boy for his bowling abilities. 'It's nice to see that Mike has passed on his cricketing genes' he said. As I was beginning to glow, not just with the effect of the couple of pints I had sunk, he followed up with 'It is a pity that he didn't keep any for himself.'

The boy now a man scored 110 at the Bat & Ball on Saturday. I couldn't have been more proud. I had however to shake him by the hand without looking him in the eye as I couldn't co-ordinate my movements, not just with the effect of the couple of pints I had sunk but because of the lingering pain in my neck caused in my successful attempt to take a catch in the deep at Telston and Mereworth Cricket Club earlier that afternoon, confirming skeletal remains of this particular cricketing gene.

We lost the match with a mid order collapse , but T & M adjusted their bowling attack to make a game of it which to me is why I so much enjoy non league cricket. The tea they provided was fantastic and we thanked them for allowing the ladies to join in the feast after returning from their jaunts around some nearby South East Open Studios. Telston and Mereworth CC and their Fix Sec, Chris Keeler have a reputation for producing a fixture card that contains much that will amuse and this year's is no exception with its hilarious advertisements.

They also have The AA's (drinking sort) phone number on the back which could prove to be personally very useful if Uncle Cornelius twice removed passed on more of his DNA than I initially thought.

Not just a 'Fenton!' Deja vu

Like all good deja vues, I've been there before. It's an hour to go before I make another despairing attempt to get hold of some worthwhile affordable Olympic tickets.

It's an hour to go before (well it is about deja vu) we are told that rain has delayed the start of the 'second' which hopefully will be the first day at Edgbaston. The gusting wind has blown over the sweat peas and the slugs have finished off most of the runner beans and half of the cucumbers while I was distancing myself from the Jubilee in the Brecon Beacons.

I'll admit last weekend was a significant one. I dropped a catch in the deep off the captain's bowling against Locksbotton Sat 2nds. As that was the only cricketing skill that I thought I had retained, it was a moment to contemplate retirement from the activity of the game itself.

The forgiving captain ( or was it a vengeful one? ) suggested I bowl with four overs to go with them approaching 200.

I took a wicket, bowled off his pads, first ball and only went for 8 runs in the two overs so I decided to make myself available for selection for our next game against Telston and Mereworth, and duly selected myself. I hope the Cherry Tree in their car park doesn't get blown down today as the sale of their cherries usually pays for our match fees.

The game at Locksbottom was enjoyable. They are a pleasant lot. Okay they beat us easily enough but we made a reasonable effort with the bat in reply, with one of our U16 Colts who we included because he has had a shaky start to the season, playing really well which gave me ten times more satisfaction than my first baller.

As I write this, my poor lady wife is sitting in the A & E at Darent Valley Hospital waiting for them to confirm whether or not she broke her rib on the trek to Table Mountain on Monday Bank Holiday (or was it Tuesday Bank Holiday?) We only live 10 minutes away, she's got my digital radio that she bought for me to listen to the cricket and she has a hands free device for her mobile in case they plaster her up from head to toe.

She didn't go to the Neville Hall Hospital in Abergavenny where they saved her life 33 years ago after being knocked down by a car on Llangynidr Bridge as she expressed the commonly shared belief of 'What can they do about a broken rib? You just get on with it.' I hope she is able to tune to Radio 4, otherwise her ribs will be giving her jip as they are tickled listening to Phil Tufnell's jokes on TMS.

The circumstances of the injury causing fall she experienced mirrored what can be seen on the 'Fenton!' Utube feature, except our dog is a Bichon Frise, the deer were sheep and Brecon Beacons is Richmond Park. It wasn't a field but there were sheep dotted around and the dog should have been on the lead. As we went around a dry stone wall corner we came face to face with 3 sheep. They took fright and bolted. Not deliberately wishing to mix up the species Fenton, sorry Tess, didn't give a monkeys for our calls and hared off.

lizzie, fearing for the lives of the sheep and for Tess in case of any trigger happy shepherds being present repairing their dry stone walls, made a grab slipped and fell landing on our new Nikon Coolpix camera recently bought from Tesco Direct with Clubcard points still in its ill fitting pink case that we couldn't be assed to return.The ill fitting case saved the camera but not Lizzie's rib which Darent Valley confirmed to be cracked after a two hour wait and without the need for an X-Ray.

It's an ill fitting wind. We don't need to worry Tescos about the wrong case as it's damaged, and we don't have to think any more as regards what to get as a present for our son's birthday as The Tackle Shop is just down the road from the hospital and we knew he needed a new set of scales. The treatment? Same as we prescribed, except you need tablets for better pain relief. This helps you breathe properly thus lessening the chance of infection.

I don't believe in private medicine either but the least you could do in return for the passing on of this helpful information is to click on the adverts to earn us a few bob just in case the Government does take away our right to free subscriptions. My eventual dive to catch Tess had a similar outcome to the one at Locksbottom CC the Saturday before. I took heart from that occasion, tried a different approach and trapped her lbw. (Leg before wall).

There being 'no prospect of any play at Edgbaston today' turned out to be true.

There being 'no prospect of me getting any affordable Olympic Athletic tickets' turned out to be true.

A great shame as I've been saving my last two year's lots of Heating Allowance for this.

Only Joking. But not about Seb and the LOWLIFE Shambolic Committee continuing to con the Great Ticketless British Public.