Fleet of foot after a bad smell

Changing the goal posts is a commonly used technique to gain an advantage over those in opposition. The trouble is that opponents will usually notice the change. A more subtle approach is required.

It has been bugging me why it is that 2nd half substitutes warm up at half time rather than listen to the manager's talk in the changing room. If they are likely to come on shouldn't they be in attendance to pick up the pearls of wisdom on offer? Unless of course they think the manager is being bugged, and to double bluff the home team they won't be playing to the party line.

For the last two home games, though without the accompaniment of 'Listen to the rhythm of the falling rain' from the garbled tannoy system, Ebbsfleet United have turned on the sprinklers during the HT interval (2nd match pictured) thereby enabling the opposition's subs to be showered by some 'Next to the Thames water'.

Perhaps the theory is that it is better to warm up without recourse to the manager's hair dryer. In both cases the technique worked, more so in the second game, with the opposing teams playing like raw sewage in the 2nd half.

I did hear one of their fans say 'We have paid hundreds of millions of pounds for this shower and all we get is s#*t.' I thought he was referring to his team but he was actually commenting on some breaking news on his phone, having long since given up on watching his side who leaked 5 goals in the second half to lose 8-0.

Before I get Trump junior complaining about more unacceptable leaks from another fine tuned machine let me tell him not to shed loads of tears or jerk off about the unfit outfit as they will be fine about the fine, being about two week's worth of their annual profits, according to reports. Seem to remember a similar sort of thing in football.

Don't worry Trumpy boy if you come up against a Mexican brick wall in your attempts to close your faking news floodgates. You like the Mexicans can get over that. Just tweet as they fly over in Mexican waves. Meanwhile look through the archives. See if you can locate the Plumbers. You'll find them under 'Watergate'.

Thank goodness for the intransigence of goalposts.