Gravesend CC 5ths are a wandering, ball supplying sociable side ranging from weak through to medium/weak. It used to be the 4ths but when Gravesend CC introduced a fourth Saturday league side it became the 5ths.
The 4ths sported the name of 'Gravesend Shrimpers' celebrating Gravesend's historical links to the Shrimping industry. On becoming the 5ths a conversation amongst the regular players and club officials arose in a Gravesend Ale House with regard to whether the name 'Gravesend Shrimpers' should be retained.
Other names were put forward for consideration. Having gone down the Saturday hierarchical ladder 'Gravesend Whelkers' was one of them. 'Gravesend Grasses' was another. This stemmed from the fact that the Bat & Ball Ground was formerly a market garden specialising in growing asparagus. Indeed it was grown so extensively in the area that asparagus was known as 'Gravesend Grass'
Surprisingly maybe, the latter name found a good deal of favour but was not officially put forward to the main committee. Indeed after the final drop of 'Gravesend Shrimpers' real ale was swigged back the topic did not arise again.
One of the regulars who had taken a particular liking to the 'Gravesend Shrimpers' on tap at the pub suggested that I approach the Brewery to enquire whether there was any chance of them sponsoring the 5ths. The slogan was to be 'Gravesend Shrimpers sponsored by Gravesend Shrimpers'. The matter was not pursued.
As with many such situations confusion arose. The name 'Gravesend Grasses' was forwarded to some clubs. It was only when a Metropolitan Police side wrote to me offering a fixture, together with a promise of 'a tea you would die for' and 'free overnight accommodation for all your players' that alarm bells began to ring.
I have not read Gravesend CC's Constitution lately but I suspect because there was a quorum in the forum at the pub the name of 'Gravesend Grasses' like the Barmy Army's Leader's name might need to be changed by Deed Poll.
Back to the remaining gaps in 2013 for the Gravesend Grasses viz. Saturday's June 1st and September 28th. Fellow Gravesend Shrimpers drinkers in the forum also asked for a tour to be arranged, perhaps against a like minded opposition. With only two slots, and tours potentially expensive and difficult to include the colts who constitute a quarter of the side, a compromise needs to be found.
Dungeness may provide the answer. It is not a million miles away from Gravesend, and Gravesend Grasses already have fixtures against Wittersham and Stone-in-Oxney which are near neighbours to Dungeness. Hence any players who cannot or do not want to stay away for a night can return to Gravesend after the match as per normal and not be too late to bed.
For those players wishing to make a weekend of it, cheap and well tried out accommodation is available with the plethora of caravan sites in the area. There are fishermen in the side who would like nothing better than to launch their lines from the shingle at Dungeness which is second in line only to Cape Canaveral in line and length of shingle and has a rocket shaped Lighthouse that any ringers we get from the 2nds can leg up if they feel the need for a pre-match warm-up.
If as is probable the fishermen do not catch any fish, either The Britannia or The Pilot Inn will provide a fish supper the like of which will be talked about for many a year especially by the quorum who no doubt will wash it down with more than relish.
The Romney Hythe and Dymchurch Railway can provide transport to and from the cricket ground if we have to play at an adjoining club's ground. I have seen a wedding party use the RH&D train on a previous occasion and I'm sure one of the carriages was in fact a bar. I'll check with Michael Portillo.
In terms of 'a like minded opposition' I have done some research. Dungeness is famed for its unique flora and fauna including the Sea Kale (pictured) with its intoxicating blue green foliage. In a Guardian article in March 2004 Sea kale is described as 'a beautiful plant, changing dramatically through the seasons; the shoots are said to taste better than asparagus, but the plants are very long lived and accumulate stray radiation.'
What could be better? The Gravesend Grasses is a team that also changes dramatically through the season with raids from the teams above and variable availability from the 'one off' players together with any ringers that the quorum are able to Press Gang into playing unless of course it is The Three Daws public house where the forum are contemplating as there is a Naval tradition that it is never to be raided by a press gang.
The Grasses XI does contain some of the longest lived members of Gravesend Cricket Club and would probably be better suited to play Dungeness B rather than Dungeness A if the A team can't get a side together because of any sickness due to any stray radiation missed by the Sea Kale.
I'm not so sure about Sea Kale tasting better than Gravesend Grass. There's the challenge then, Gloria. Dungeness Sea Kales v Gravesend Grasses to take place on Saturday June 1st or Saturday September 28th 2013. Venue to be decided.
So if you are a cricket club or a group of cricketers in or near Dungeness who can take up the challenge, please get in contact. The losing side will have to ceremoniously eat the opposition at the end of the game. The Gravesend Grasses will bring a ball and plenty of asparagus as we don't expect to be eating Sea Kale.
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