Pastygate or Pastiegate?

You will need to see the earlier post 'Humble Pastie Innocent of all Charges' to answer that one.

My Mate's grandfather was a Cornish Miner. The seagulls used to drive them crazy when they came up to the surface at dinner time to eat their pasties. His grandad used to alternate throwing a bit of pasty up to the most annoying seagull with a piece of carbide which was used to fuel his lamp. Water drips on to the calcium carbide which gives off the inflammable gas acetylene for the lamp to function.

If water did that, you could imagine the effect of the stomach contents of the gull on the stuff. According to my mate the seagull got about 20 yards away before it exploded. The other gulls got the message and went off to annoy the emmets.

Over the years the gulls developed a taste for cream teas with the decline of the tin mining industry and the explosion (Sorry about that) of tourism. I hear these days they are plaguing the Coronary Unit of Treliske Hospital at Truro.

Please note that this post was published after midday so there is no doubting the veracity of the tale, not that I am encouraging this sort of behaviour at all as I am a firm supporter of the RSPB.

I couldn't get a picture of a seagull, as there doesn't seem to be any around since I installed the owl (pictured) that Mr Cameron asked me to trial in my garden. In the last COBRA meeting they came up with the idea of putting them all over London to prevent the pigeons from shitting on the Olympic visitors from a great height like Seb and the LOWLIFE Committee have on the great Ticketless British Public. I'd better let them know of the owl's success as their alternative idea was to promote the pigeon pie over the Cornish Pastie as a local delicacy that doesn't need transporting from Cornwall now there's no petrol left.