The Physics of Marital Guidance

5th Team nets tonight where my reaction to action will come under strain. In the physics text books of yesteryear there was always a cartoon picture to illustrate reaction and action being equal and opposite. It inevitably showed some poor matchstick man stepping off a boat with an ever increasing length of stride pushing the boat back as he attempted to step forward onto the quay, until he did the splits and dipped his balls German Officer style into the Turpentine or Serpentine or into whichever river it was.

As BBC Radio 4 are promoting Science more these days I have no hesitation in quoting from that font of information regarding the re-Kindling of relationships, The E-Book 'French and Spanish Cricket for Beginners', downloadable from Amazon.co.uk, but not as yet featured on 'A Book at Bedtime'.

Every couple has their moment and this could be yours. If your last inklings for Science were first scrambled and then laid low by having to listen to Professor Heinz Wolfe and his pack talk what seemed to me to be bollocks, pronounced 'bow locks' during 'The Great Egg Race' on TV, then read on.

Disadvantaged couples who can string only one or two theories together should feel free to go hypo without the need for a thesis. There are loads of principles and laws that can prevent studious couples from enrolling onto a collision course by offering a path of restitution, thus avoiding the need for a speedy separation, so long as the right approach is followed.

Physics can be blunt, but that may be necessary to avoid leaving couples in a state of flux. Strain, stress, pressures, sensitivity, reflection, attraction and repulsion, excesses, coils, potential differences, emissions and forced vibrations are all in your face, possibly resulting in Harmonic Motions being anything but Simple.

Fleming's Left Hand Rule can help point you in the right direction. If you are like the good lady wife who can't tell right from left he also has a Right Hand Rule. If Couples adhere to these principles there should be a reduction in the total strains, stresses and and pressures without disturbing sensitivities in about seven days in accordance with Dalton's Weekly Law of Partial Pressures.